You’re Not Alone

The way your heart breaks with every baby shower invite. The pain and jealousy that sear through your heart with each pregnancy announcement. The isolation. The not feeling worthy. The feeling broken, not whole. The anger at appointments with no answers. I’ve felt those things too and want you to know that you’re are not alone.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises.” 2 Peter 3:9

God knows what he’s doing and has big plans for you. Trusting through this season/s of infertility can be extremely challenging. Through it, God longs for us to draw near, be in communication with him, and spend time with him. I say this because the Bible tells us that’s what God wants for us.

This season, too, shall pass. Cling to the places of light, of hope, God, and people that give you life, breathing truths in to WHO you are and WHOSE you are.

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Iowa Radiolowhat

That appointment I mentioned early in July? The one about another ultrasound? It was actually called a hysterosonogram. Finally happened. It was uncomfortable and in those few minutes I would have rather been anywhere else BUT it is over. & a doctor has now told me that any infertility we are experiencing is not because of any polyps or cysts.

Another potential issue ruled out. Small victory? Hard looking at it as a small victory when we still have no idea what’s not working/why it’s not working and are still trying to conceive. But still.. small victory. 

Little one, we are always praying for you. We want you more than you’ll ever know. ❤

When Late’s Actually Normal

My normal cycle is late. My most recent cycle lasted 42 days. I called my nurse and she said that while this isn’t “normal” it’s not anything to concern me and that based on the lab work done after my first round of Clomid.. it’s moving ovulation along, which is what it’s intended to do. If you’ve read other posts you already know that before I was taking Clomid, my cycle length was lasting upwards of 65 days.

That’s a little confusing to me for a couple of reasons: 1 I’m taking Clomid so that instead of having 3 cycles in 6 months, I have 6 cycles in 6 months and 2 if you ovulate on day 14, you should menstruate within a window number of days after that, which obviously isn’t happening. Going to see how this third round of Clomid goes before I ask more questions and hope it was just a weird month and my body still trying to understand what is happening to it. 🙂

In other related news.. Chad can’t wait to be a dad.

In other news that’s basically related because it’s about another baby.. a girlfriend had a lovely baby shower this afternoon. It was a blessing sharing in her joy of her precious baby girl. Her and her husband have been trying to conceive for years. Her patience, positivity, and posture toward God through that (long) season was beautiful to witness. Someone asked a few days ago if going to a baby shower would be hard for me. Some, absolutely. This one, not at all.

All the Appointments

Ovarian and thyroid hormones are good to go. Ultrasounds all came back normal/nothing to be concerned about but it’s been recommended that I visit Iowa Radiology for one more in which the specialist can take a sample of what might be a cyst as a precaution/for testing. A week ago our thoughts on this were: 1. we’ve spent $700 in the last month on appointments/medical bills 2. let’s hold off until I’m added to Chad’s insurance post his open enrollment period this fall. After praying about it and moving some numbers around in our budget, I’m going to go ahead and have this done now instead of waiting. The appointment is in 2 weeks.

I’ve finished my first round of Clomid and have had a follow up appointment to check my progesterone levels (more lab work). Results came back normal and consistent with ovulation.. which means the medication I’m taking to regulate my period worked this cycle.

Chad and I would love it if you would join us in prayer through this process. We are extremely thankful for the support we’ve received so far.

Thyroids & Ovaries

Met with my new OB/GYN, Dr. Erin Lehman, last week. She’s great. We walked through our plans moving forward, talked about a handful of different scenarios, and I left feeling extremely hopeful. Blood samples to do some thyroid (hypothyroidism) and ovary testing (PCOS) were taken at that appointment and then I went back this morning for an ultrasound. I’m anxious to hear back from Erin and/or her nurse with results.

If you’re curious about PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) click here or if you’re curious about how hypothyroidism impacts pregnancy click here.

I have extremely irregular periods. (If any of this is TMI, you don’t need to continue reading. I’m going to share my journey openly here because it’s really important for people in similar spots to know they’re not alone.)

By extremely irregular I mean I stopped taking birth control on Christmas Eve 2016 and have only had 4 cycles since then. Quick math indicates I should be on my 6th post-birth control cycle by now. In that 6 month window, the shortest cycle was 35 days and the longest 66. Clearly this isn’t “normal”. So once my next cycle starts I’ll begin taking Clomid, a medication used to induce ovulation.

I’d love to hear about your experiences (no matter if you’re trying to conceive or not!) with irregular periods, taking medication to induce ovulation, or anything else you want to share related to fertility. We aren’t alone, friends!

Babies

I’ve found that while answering questions about my desire to have children isn’t awkward the pause that occurs after, when someone is trying to figure out what to say next, is extremely awkward. God bless people for asking about our dreams.. but be careful with how you approach this, folks. 🙂

For those that have inquired: Do we want kids? Yes.

**insert the pause that almost always occurs after unless they have the balls to ask when or give me an intense eyebrow raise that non-verbally asks if I’m pregnant**

We’ve been trying to conceive for the last 6 months.. since December of 2015. I’ll be documenting future appointments, successes, road blocks, and other random baby things here. My hope is that if/when a gal in a similar boat stumbles across this page she’s reminded that she’s not alone, that she doesn’t have to fight her Goliath solo, and that God is walking alongside her through it all.